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Thou Shalt Welcome Thy Newest Met

At the risk of offending some for whom aspects of religion are sacred, I'm going to try to have a teensy bit of fun with the signing of the man for whom the letter I is occasionally dropped from his first name.

Hopefully you'll be forgiving because it's the holiday season and you'll find this somewhat entertaining, as you did with my welcome to New York for Mr. Green, aptly titled "Happy Shawnukkah."

With that warning, I offer up The Commandments on how to properly root for this recent acquisition.

Thou shalt say thy name properly

It's MOY-zes ah-LOO, not MOY-say as was oft said by those of French background when Alou was with the Expos. Also acceptable, with an asterisk is MOY-zes ah-LOW, as that is the proper un-Americanized pronuncation, as noted by Giants broadcaster Jon Miller.

Of Moises Alou's 13 career walk-off "somethings" (12 hits, 1 walk), the first 6 came as a member of the Expos. Of the 12 walk-off hits, seven are home runs.

Thou shalt request he keep a certain family member away from thy clubhouse

Making Moises' dad, Felipe Alou (rather than the previously suggested Frank Robinson) bench coach (and moving Jerry Manuel to third base) or special advisor is acceptable. Making Moises' cousin, Mel Rojas an honorary mascot is not.

Moises Alou never had a walk-off hit against Mel Rojas (who never had a walk-off win in his Mets tenure). His first walk-off hit, a grand slam, came against a future Met- Pirates reliever Roger Mason on September 23, 1992. He's also had walk-off hits against, among others, Danny Graves (April 16, 2004) and Billy Wagner (August 5, 1997).

Thou shalt request thy keep Endy Chavez to serve as Alou's personal caddy

There may be some scenarios in which it's not possible for Alou to get a walk-off hit, because he's probable to get replaced late in games by Msrs. Chavez or Johnson, which is acceptable and necessary considering that Mr. Alou's knees creek when he walks.

Six of Moises Alou's walk-off hits have come in extra innings.

Thou shalt not refer to his performance as "piss-poor" if he goes into a slump

In May, 2004, Alou acknowledged that he urinated on his hands to make them tougher and to this day, most of us don't know whether he was joking or being truthful. This led to some rather nasty humorous remarks directed his way before the story died down. We imagine the tabloid headline writers will have a field day with this if it ever gets brought up. There are enough urinary puns and other unsavory "Moisture" references on the internet. We don't need any more.

Since this revelation, Alou has had three walk-off hits, all home runs, including two in 2006.

Thou shalt not rely too heavily on Moises to lead us to the promised land

At this juncture, I'm inclined to bat him 6th, though some have suggested batting him 3rd. I prefer having his bat as protection for David Wright and he's a better fit for that spot than Shawn Green. This lowers the level of expectation to something reasonable. Also, when the inevitable injury comes along, there won't be as much of a lineup shakeup necessary as if he were regularly batting 3rd.

Nine of Moises Alou's 12 walk-off hits have come in even-numbered years.

Thou shalt put Mr. Alou next to Mr. Lo Duca on thy team bus

Moises Alou owns racehorses, lots of them, which is fine so long as he doesn't ride them. He's not the only one on this team with that interest, though hopefully the management of his extra-curricular activities is better than that of the Mets catcher. Alou also likes snorkeling and fishing which might explain why he fit in well on the Marlins, with whom he won a World Series.

Moises Alou scored the tying run in the 9th inning of Game 7 of the 1997 World Series, in which the Marlins beat the Indians in extra innings on Edgar Renteria's walk-off base hit.

True Metlous know...That the other newest Met, pitcher Jason Vargas was the Marlins starting pitcher against the Mets on September 21, 2005, a game in which the Mets beat the Marlins on a walk-off hit by Miguel Cairo.

Comments

wa2k99 said…
And most of all thou shalt not interfere with fly balls down the left field line!

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